it's only in it's beginning and it hurts more than i thought it would. a note of caution - when filling in the missing details that coexist with dreams, be careful what you fill in those gaps with. the filler easily gets mixed into the memory of the dream and thus distorts the first memory. filling in the gaps alters.
grandpa gave me the journal yesterday, and i've read it twice so far. it was meant for me, i think, as it hints at intention. i'm very glad to have it. though i couldn't be angrier with my mother. the anger won't die, it's just keeps getting uncovered.
final 441 paper i think will be the figure of zenobia in "blithedale romance" and in "ethan frome." i started with this idea and also realized that matty is priscilla-like. i'm not sure if there's enough to that thesis to get me 15 pages, but we'll see. i have to finish hawthorne first.
enough now.
3.29.2007
3.28.2007
3.27.2007
3.23.2007
3.19.2007
Mine. Mine. Mineminemine.
3.18.2007
Survey nonsense, because I need something to answer to.
Q: While driving down the road, and looking for an address, do you turn the radio down?
A: Absolutely, I have to concentrate.
Q: Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make?
A: Terrific pasta with really good sauce, not just bottle sauce, on-the-stove-all-day sauce.
Q: What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?
A: Right now, stripey gray shirt, but that'll change next week.
Q: If you could quit your job right now, and be anything you wanted, what would it be?
A: Quit my job as a student? Psh, that's the best job, and one I wish I could do always.
Q: What do you think of when you look at the stars?
A: Paganism
Q: When you add someone into your cell phone, do you use there real name, or there nickname?
A: Depends.
Q: How long do you date someone before you sleep with them?
A: Dating someone that suits me very well, so this doesn't apply.
Q: If you could get rid of the holiday season, would you?
A: Christmas holiday? The Victorian antiquated pagan-holiday-replacement, as instituted by the Catholic church? I think you know the answer.
Q: Why?
A: We don't know when Jesus was born, the only reason we celebrate Christmas in December is because the Catholic church wanted to stamp out the remaining pagan holidays of the season.
Q: If you could go back to college, what would you major in?
A: Hah, in college, and I'm FINALLY doing what I want to do.
Q: Before you go to sleep at night, what do you think of?
A: A story.
Q: What is your favorite kind of weather?
A: Mmmm, spring thaw muddy season smell.
Q: Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?
A: It is absolutely a practice - we have come a long way from bleeding people for cures.
Q: What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning?
A: Make tea and toast.
Q:Do you prefer a shower or bath?
A: Showers, but if I had a suitable bathtub, it would be different.
Q: How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
A: Two, sometimes three.
Q: How often do you find yourself thinking about your ex?
A: I can honestly say, almost never.
Q: What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten?
A: This really silly-looking girl with a dark bowl-cut that always wore dresses.
Q: Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over?
A: Psh, very smiley and glad. You could see my back teeth I was smiling so big.
Q: Are you closer with your mom or dad?
A: Absolutely with my dad, mostly because my mother is the furthest from close.
Q: Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?
A: I would never prefer a tanning bed; I like the sun, but not for tanning.
Q: Is chocolate really better than sex?
A: Hmm. Hah, no, not close.
Q: What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split?
A: What's that like?
Q: Does your life seem to revolve around drama?
A: No thanks.
Q: A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date?
A: Definitely a long walk.
Q: Do long distance relationships actually work out?
A: Going on three years and looking good, so I would say so.
Q: Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy?
A: If you know me, you should know. Well, this is myspace, so maybe not. Poor please.
Q: Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship?
A: No, that's silly.
Q: Do you look up or at your feet when you walk?
A: Not sure, I haven't noticed.
Q: How many times has an ex just called you up when you least expect it?
A: Don't drink and dial.
Q: Do you ever actually make your bed?
A: Every day. I have to. I just do.
Q: Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone?
A: I talk too much in my sleep when I'm with someone.
Q: Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep?
A: Nope.
Q: Do you prefer to call or text someone?
A: Do I like the person or is it habitual communication?
Q: Do you have to be the center of attention?
A: No thanks.
Q: Ever been told your a flirt?
A: Ever been told you have a spelling problem?
Q: Do you go to church every Sunday?
A: Mhm. Surprising, I know.
Q: What do you normally eat for breakfast?
A: Tea and toast.
Q: Ever been called a tease?
A: Nope.
Q: When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked?
A: Undies.
Q: Does love really make you act crazy?
A: What? Ugh.
Q: How many things have you done that your parents don't know about?
A: Hah, plenty of things, but it has made for funny conversations with family as I get older.
Q: Ever been taken to jail?
A: Nope.
Q: What are you about to do now that this survey is over?
A: Finish making something for a friend and off to bed.
A: Absolutely, I have to concentrate.
Q: Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make?
A: Terrific pasta with really good sauce, not just bottle sauce, on-the-stove-all-day sauce.
Q: What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?
A: Right now, stripey gray shirt, but that'll change next week.
Q: If you could quit your job right now, and be anything you wanted, what would it be?
A: Quit my job as a student? Psh, that's the best job, and one I wish I could do always.
Q: What do you think of when you look at the stars?
A: Paganism
Q: When you add someone into your cell phone, do you use there real name, or there nickname?
A: Depends.
Q: How long do you date someone before you sleep with them?
A: Dating someone that suits me very well, so this doesn't apply.
Q: If you could get rid of the holiday season, would you?
A: Christmas holiday? The Victorian antiquated pagan-holiday-replacement, as instituted by the Catholic church? I think you know the answer.
Q: Why?
A: We don't know when Jesus was born, the only reason we celebrate Christmas in December is because the Catholic church wanted to stamp out the remaining pagan holidays of the season.
Q: If you could go back to college, what would you major in?
A: Hah, in college, and I'm FINALLY doing what I want to do.
Q: Before you go to sleep at night, what do you think of?
A: A story.
Q: What is your favorite kind of weather?
A: Mmmm, spring thaw muddy season smell.
Q: Do you find it a bit unnerving doctors call what they do practice?
A: It is absolutely a practice - we have come a long way from bleeding people for cures.
Q: What's the first thing you do when waking up in the morning?
A: Make tea and toast.
Q:Do you prefer a shower or bath?
A: Showers, but if I had a suitable bathtub, it would be different.
Q: How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
A: Two, sometimes three.
Q: How often do you find yourself thinking about your ex?
A: I can honestly say, almost never.
Q: What's one thing you actually remember about kindergarten?
A: This really silly-looking girl with a dark bowl-cut that always wore dresses.
Q: Did you cry at your graduation or smile because you were glad it was over?
A: Psh, very smiley and glad. You could see my back teeth I was smiling so big.
Q: Are you closer with your mom or dad?
A: Absolutely with my dad, mostly because my mother is the furthest from close.
Q: Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?
A: I would never prefer a tanning bed; I like the sun, but not for tanning.
Q: Is chocolate really better than sex?
A: Hmm. Hah, no, not close.
Q: What would you do if your best friend jumped on your ex the day after you two split?
A: What's that like?
Q: Does your life seem to revolve around drama?
A: No thanks.
Q: A movie or a long walk in the park on the first date?
A: Definitely a long walk.
Q: Do long distance relationships actually work out?
A: Going on three years and looking good, so I would say so.
Q: Which would you prefer...be rich and miserable, or poor and extremely happy?
A: If you know me, you should know. Well, this is myspace, so maybe not. Poor please.
Q: Do you believe the first kiss tells you everything you need to know about the relationship?
A: No, that's silly.
Q: Do you look up or at your feet when you walk?
A: Not sure, I haven't noticed.
Q: How many times has an ex just called you up when you least expect it?
A: Don't drink and dial.
Q: Do you ever actually make your bed?
A: Every day. I have to. I just do.
Q: Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone?
A: I talk too much in my sleep when I'm with someone.
Q: Do you have to have some kind of noise to fall asleep?
A: Nope.
Q: Do you prefer to call or text someone?
A: Do I like the person or is it habitual communication?
Q: Do you have to be the center of attention?
A: No thanks.
Q: Ever been told your a flirt?
A: Ever been told you have a spelling problem?
Q: Do you go to church every Sunday?
A: Mhm. Surprising, I know.
Q: What do you normally eat for breakfast?
A: Tea and toast.
Q: Ever been called a tease?
A: Nope.
Q: When no one is home...do you actually walk around naked?
A: Undies.
Q: Does love really make you act crazy?
A: What? Ugh.
Q: How many things have you done that your parents don't know about?
A: Hah, plenty of things, but it has made for funny conversations with family as I get older.
Q: Ever been taken to jail?
A: Nope.
Q: What are you about to do now that this survey is over?
A: Finish making something for a friend and off to bed.
3.09.2007
3.08.2007
3.06.2007
3.05.2007
A very sad day
Mrs. Larson died Friday evening. I had called Thursday, but she wasn't feeling well.
I wish I had known, and I wish I didn't feel guilty.
I wish I had known, and I wish I didn't feel guilty.
3.03.2007
3.02.2007
With a computer
This'll be my first post in a long while that's posted from a computer. I'm so lazy.
February is over, and that's always a bonus. Next weekend our clocks go ahead an hour, which means sunsets will be at 7:15, instead of 6:15. That's very encouraging. It'll start the slow recovery form what I like to call Buffalo Winteritis. It's the inflammation of the winters, without a doubt. Pretty much ,the winters here make me ache and whine and everything looks gray. I'm looking forward to spring, very very much.
There haven't been any new developments. I've been so bogged down with homework that tonight I offered myself a break - if I agreed to work tomorrow. Apparently, I wasn't okay with that, because I just can't seem to relax.
I had a dream about my Grandma the other night, actually the night that Mr. Manette died, and I think that was Wednesday. There's no weird coincidence there, that's just how I remember the day. It was the dream where she was crossing the front lawn and I didn't want her to go. Even now, I didn't want her to go. I never really knew how disoriented I would be without her. I think this is my first mention of her since she was alive and I miss her very much.
So I guess this entry has developed a theme. Life is either waiting for things to pass, or wishing other things hadn't happened. I'm never in the present.
Speaking of the past, I've been writing quite a bit lately, though nothing worth sharing. The good old phrase of "it's the thought that counts" applies here: it's the effort that counts. I've been debating whether or not I should start the housedreams piece.
I also picked up a shift at work tonight, as it dawned on me earlier - I'm financially screwed for Spain. More negativity later I suppose.
Always the very best.
February is over, and that's always a bonus. Next weekend our clocks go ahead an hour, which means sunsets will be at 7:15, instead of 6:15. That's very encouraging. It'll start the slow recovery form what I like to call Buffalo Winteritis. It's the inflammation of the winters, without a doubt. Pretty much ,the winters here make me ache and whine and everything looks gray. I'm looking forward to spring, very very much.
There haven't been any new developments. I've been so bogged down with homework that tonight I offered myself a break - if I agreed to work tomorrow. Apparently, I wasn't okay with that, because I just can't seem to relax.
I had a dream about my Grandma the other night, actually the night that Mr. Manette died, and I think that was Wednesday. There's no weird coincidence there, that's just how I remember the day. It was the dream where she was crossing the front lawn and I didn't want her to go. Even now, I didn't want her to go. I never really knew how disoriented I would be without her. I think this is my first mention of her since she was alive and I miss her very much.
So I guess this entry has developed a theme. Life is either waiting for things to pass, or wishing other things hadn't happened. I'm never in the present.
Speaking of the past, I've been writing quite a bit lately, though nothing worth sharing. The good old phrase of "it's the thought that counts" applies here: it's the effort that counts. I've been debating whether or not I should start the housedreams piece.
I also picked up a shift at work tonight, as it dawned on me earlier - I'm financially screwed for Spain. More negativity later I suppose.
Always the very best.
3.01.2007
Homework, essays, tests - oh my!
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